In the months leading up to traveling to Zambia, Satan had found a way to keep me depressed and in doubt of God's work in my life. Slowly but surely, what started out as a little discouragement at being single and unhappy with several situations in life grew into full on doubt that God was not going to provide a husband in my life.
I journaled on June 18, 3 days before I would leave for Zambia, that I was so depressed I didn't even want to go anymore. And that's when something snapped inside of me for the good - NOT want to go to Zambia and proclaim my Father's joy to the orphans? That wasn't ME talking, that was the enemy and I knew it all too well. That night, I repented of my lack of faith, my pride and self-pity and gave over all my desires to my Father. I asked him to strip away anything fleshly and selfish within me and allow me to join Him in what He was doing. I prayed that God would rid me of distractions and that I would not worry about being accepted by anyone but God Himself. I gave over my singleness to God and committed to be faithful to Him even if a life of singleness was what He had planned for me. I resolved myself to singleness that night and to a life married to my First Love and bringing glory to Him, and it was well with my soul.
The first day at camp, we were to teach the kids 3 things they needed to practice during the week to fight off Satan's lies as they learned truth.
1. Listen to the Word
2. Believe what the Word says
3. Speak out what you believe in faith
I was happy to teach my kids these 3 important tools for the spiritual battle they would face when the Holy Spirit pressed on me... Speak out YOUR faith. It was the first day of camp that as my boys were speaking out their faith in God that I finally spoke out loud my faith: God, you will provide a husband & children to share this life with. You will not only provide a husband, but a teammate that will bring You more glory by sharing his life with me than we ever could individually on our own. God restored my faith, healed my heart and set me FREE... and did not let my prayers or statement of faith in Him go unanswered.... :)
"If we are faithless,He remains faithful— for He cannot deny himself." ~2 Timothy 2:13
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