I Will Follow

Now the plans that I have made fail to compare when I see Your glory. Ruin my life the plans that I've made. Ruin desires for my own selfish gain. Destroy the idols that have taken your place, til it's You alone I live for.

~Jeff Johnson

I love this Jeff Johnson song and was so excited when the band started playing this song at our youth's dnow weekend recently. Except while singing the familiar words, the Holy Spirit starting pressing me...Do you really mean these words you're singing? You want me to RUIN your life? Because if that's so, then why aren't you letting go of your plans? I don't remember the words to the next song we sang, but it was along the same lines and this time the conviction was so heavy that I couldn't sing the words.

The next weekend, I woke up and was particularly excited about my time with the Lord this morning. It was the first chance that I'd had enough time to sit down and wrestle with my conviction with no distractions, no matter how long it took to work it out. God asked me 3 questions:

1. Why do you follow Me?
2. Why should you follow Me?
3. How have you been following Me?

6 journal pages later, I had answered God's questions to me and was left completely humbled by the state of my heart. God asked me to really think about the meaning of the word "follow". A word we use so often, especially in Christian circles, but I never really think about the weight or meaning of the word. The definition of follow is to go, proceed, or come after. And I realized, I'm not following God so much as I'm expecting Him to follow me. Yes, you heard that right. I've been expecting the great God of the universe, the God who parted the red sea, who spared Daniel in the lion's den, who crumbled the walls of Jericho, THIS God to follow my plans that I've made. This realization makes me sick. Just sick. There was MUCH repenting going on and thanks to God for revealing this sickness to me.

And now I'm praying for healing. So many times this past week I've started to take off full speed down a path that I think looks nice and God gently tugs at my heart and says "Wait. Are you following Me or wanting Me to follow you again? Wait." It warms my heart to think about what a good Father our God is. Oh how I love Him and oh how I'm thankful for His patience and gentleness with me. I'm so thankful He's asking me who's following who in those moments where I think I've found a good path to run down, and I'm thankful that He's allowed me to put on the brakes, stop and look back at my Father to see where He is leading. My paths are dark, frustrating, confusing and miserable. In God's presence, there is fullness of joy (Psalm 16:11).

My Dad Was Radical

"The Kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up. Then in his joy he goes and sells all the he has and buys that field." ~Matthew 13:41

In the month of February I started reading Radical by David Platte...what an incredible book! I'm so excited that our church has started reading the book as a congregation and I can't wait to see how God uses Platte's powerful words to encourage & motivate us as a church body. For those who haven't read, Platte challenges the American church to live out our faith in a way that seems new and radical, but is actually just being obedient to the old ways that Jesus called us to. We've taken Jesus' commands and watered them down to a lifestyle we feel comfortable with and that quite frankly doesn't require a lot of effort on our part or faith in God. The book is filled with stories of Christians who radically followed the call of Christ to sell everything and either give to the poor or travel to another country so that they could share the gospel...which brings me to the point of this post.

A few weeks ago I traveled to Gainesville to visit my grandma and spent a wonderful weekend chatting, shopping, eating and just enjoying each other. Friday night we curled up in our pajamas and talked for hours about life, past, present and future. As we talked, my grandma began sharing stories of my dad.

Side note: One of the most challenging things about losing my dad at such a young age is missing out on ever being able to have an adult conversation with him. I have missed my dad terribly lately and have deeply longed to be able to talk to him about God's call to missions on my life. My dad was a missionary to the Philippines for 2 years before he met and married my mom. I have so many questions that I know my dad would be able to answer about the mission field, about my calling and about leaving everything behind to follow God halfway around the world, but sadly I won't be able to have this conversation with my dad until I join him in God's eternal Kingdom. However, nothing is impossible for God and He was about to prove that to me as He provided answers to my questions in a way I never imagined.

My grandma began telling me stories of when my dad went to the Philippines. I knew that he had gone and that he had planted churches that to our knowledge are still meeting 30 years later, but I did NOT know the details she would unveil that night. I began asking her questions about how my dad prepared to go overseas and if it was a difficult decision. My grandma told me that when my dad decided to go to the Philippines, get this - he sold everything. She went on to say that he sold every earthly possession he owned from his bed, the trombone he played in high school and even his truck. He abandoned everything, all his things and his family to pursue a calling to missions in the Philippines for 2 years. I asked my grandma if he said why he needed to sell everything. His reply when she asked him this same question was, "Because this is what God has called me to do. I need to make sure that my heart is right and that I've put nothing before God." I get chills and tear up thinking about what similar paths God had planned for me and my dad. My daddy always felt a call to go back overseas and continue mission work, but he never got the chance. I wonder sometimes if God created me with the same passion so that I can continue where he left off. I still ache to talk to him in person and to have him be my rock as I seek God's will for my own abandonment of everything in pursuit of His higher calling on my life, but oh how I've been encouraged to know on a deeper level the man of God that my daddy was. I'm so proud of him and I haven't felt this connected to him in 9 years.

My sweet grandma told me that she thought my dad was out of his mind for selling everything he owned, leaving everything behind and moving halfway around the world for 2 years to do missions. She said she just didn't get it. I get it. My daddy was radical for Christ - before there was ever a book or a movement. Thank you God for answering my prayer to hear daddy's story and for the life he lived to further Your Kingdom and bring You glory! May I be just as sold out for Christ.

Latest Africa News!

Yesterday was the first Africa Team Meeting and it was SO good to be around my Zambia family again! There's just something about being around people that share a God-given passion for the same mission that makes my heart full. I can already tell that the second trip back to Africa is going to be so different than the first...but just as blessed! Sitting in the meeting I kept remembering hearing the stories and seeing the videos for the first time a year ago...I couldn't imagine what it would be like over there or what I would encounter. But now I KNOW! The videos of the villages and orphans are REAL now and I hope I'm able to take more of it in this next time I'm there.

The theme for Camp LIFE this year is "Kingdom" based off of Matthew 6:33: "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." Matthew 19:14 records Jesus saying, "Let the little children come to Me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the Kingdom of Heaven." For the week that I'm in Zambia, I will get to be God's messenger in letting these orphans know, the Kingdom of God belongs to YOU! You are Prince's and Princess's in God's Royal Family, so hold your head up high no matter what you suffer on this earth! What a powerful message for these neglected, abused and impoverished children. I can't wait. This year, we will teach the kids at camp from Monday-Wed. and all day Thursday will be spent in their villages doing service projects! Hopefully our little Prince's and Princess's will get to show off their humble Royal status as they help fix up and clean homes in the villages. Friday we will take the kids to the brand new Family Life Legacy Center on one of the most gorgeous hilltops in Zambia - check out the video for more details on what God is doing there! http://familylegacy.com/tree-of-life/legacy-center/

Friends and family have again been so great to donate money towards sending me back to Africa and I am so blessed by the giving and by those that want to be a part of reaching these orphans for God's Kingdom. I still need about $1700, so please pray about being a part of this mission trip through giving. https://www.camplifezambia.com/shannon

DNOW Recap

This past weekend I was BLESSED to be a part of DNOW Weekend at First Baptist Hurst. I was pumped about the weekend for weeks and this past weekend I felt like a kid on Christmas morning as I got to unwrap the gift of blessings that God had in store for the weekend. I was with an awesome group of 7th grade girls who were sweet, silly, fun, giggly, and ready to grow in the Lord. Saturday morning we had the chance to visit a low-income community in Hurst where we played games, cooked hot dogs and fellowshipped with people that live in the apartments near by. The girls were so bold in going to the apartments to invite people to the event, and then in befriending and talking to strangers. We met the most precious girls from the Sudan while we were there, who happened to be the same age as my 7th graders. :) We spent all afternoon laughing and playing games with them. Back at the church we met for our final small group session. For session 2 I had written out on 18 notecards the Profile of a Lukewarm Christian from Chapter 4 of Crazy Love by Francis Chan (if you haven't read this book...READ IT!) We got through about half of the cards in session 2 which each had written on them an example of what a lukewarm Christian looks like and a bible verse to go along with the topic. When it was time for session 3, the girls immediately asked if we could finish with the lukewarm notecards.
The night before I had talked with a friend of mine who was also leading at the DNOW...he reminded me to let the Holy Spirit work during the weekend and if the youth wanted to talk about something that wasn't on the agenda, to go ahead and let them. The Lord knew I needed to hear this as I am all about sticking to what's already planned!
And so when the girls asked if we could keep talking about what we had discussed in session 2, I remembered my friends words and excitedly said yes! And the Holy Spirit completely took over... They read each card and discussed what it meant to be lukewarm and what it meant to be sold out for Christ. When we finished with all the cards I asked the girls what God was doing in their heart this weekend. Most of them replied that they realized how unimportant worldly things are and how they want to live more for God's kingdom rather than the world. Praise the Lord! And then one of the girls raised her hand and through tear filled eyes told the group that she wasn't sure if she was truly saved and really believed. We prayed as a group and then I sent the rest of the girls to the Robbie Seay concert that was starting. I sat with this precious child of God and asked her why she was crying and what was going on in her heart. She told me with all confidence that the Holy Spirit was working in her and telling her she needs to believe. She could not have been more spot on about the Holy Spirit being at work!! The rest of the time with her, I was a vessel. She explained why she didn't believe and why she doubted God...and then as she began to explain to me the story of Jesus' death and resurrection, she kept going all the way to the part about Doubting Thomas. She said that he had to see the nail scarred hands of Jesus in order to believe, but that she knew that's not always how it's supposed to be. Wow! God opened the door for her to see through her own story that she was like Doubting Thomas. After some more spirit filled talking, this sweet girl prayed the most sincere and profound prayer I've ever witnessed as she accepted Jesus as her Savior.
I sat there with tears streaming down my cheeks as I was rejoicing over what was happening and at the same time feeling so unworthy and undeserving to be a part of it, to be used as God's vessel in that way. To be perfectly honest, I am a really crappy person! I'm so full of faults and my past is so full of sin that God has been gracious enough to redeem and restore me from, despite myself. And for some unknown reason, God chooses to use a crappy person like me to bring glory to Himself. That's unreal.
As if being witness to all of that wasn't enough, I walk in to the Robbie Seay concert and the girls from the Sudan that we had met earlier in the day were sitting right in front of me!!! I hugged them and then sat in awe as the music played and I tried to take in all that God had done. There were SO many times I could have gotten in God's way, but by His perfect grace He worked around my humanness and accomplished great things for His Kingdom.
God, YOU are more than enough. Nothing satisfies me the way your overwhelming love does. YOU are all I need. My heart is so full and in love with You. I want to experience You each day, I want to be a part of bringing You glory for the rest of my life, and as undeserving as I am, I want to be used as Your vessel. Thank you for indescribable humbleness and for overwhelming my heart with Your goodness.

You Are God Alone

The question I've been convicted by for the past few weeks seems to be popping up in every study I'm doing, every quiet time, and every sermon I hear: Do I love God for who He is or for what He can do for me? The answer to this question is one I've been examining in my own heart and mind for a while. The end of last year brought with it some let down and disappointments, but also revealed the state of my heart and revealed where I needed to let God do some major refinement. It's no secret, I want to get married and have a family! I want to serve on the mission field! And lately, I've been thinking I might even want to go to grad school! I expressed to my mentor and dear friend last week that none of these desires in and of themselves are bad desires at all. I was created to have desires, but what do I do with desires that aren't being fulfilled? What I had been doing - trying to fulfill them myself! - was NOT working. Her sweet and gentle response to me was "Lay it down. Everyday, lay those desires at God's feet and give them back to Him." And so in 2011, that is what I've been attempting to do. Our God is so gracious and good. As a result of giving my God-given desires back to the One who can fulfill them, He has chosen instead to bless me in other ways. I may not have a boyfriend, but I am blessed with so many sisters in Christ that God is using to bring joy and encouragement and laughter to my heart. They make the journey so much sweeter. I have been blessed by God's plans to send me back to Africa. I pray that He would be properly exalted, proclaimed and glorified in Zambia. I have been blessed with an amazing family that I love and treasure. I am blessed to work with so many various ministries at my church leading worship in the praise band, teaching precious 7th grade girls each Sunday, helping with other events at my church as well as participating in Disciple Now Weekends at other churches. God knows what I need, and I pray that my heart loves God for who He is and not for what He can do for me. I pray I would be like the man in Matthew 13:44 who when He found the Kingdom of God, "hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field." I pray that in reckless abandonment for the One who fulfills and satisfies not with earthly things, but by who HE IS, that I would be willing to give up everything for more of Him.

Feeding Tummies & Feeding Hearts

Thanksgiving 2010 was by far one of the best Thanksgiving's I've had. The time with close family members was delightful, the meal was delicious, and the memories made were sweet.

I was blessed Thanksgiving afternoon to take my brothers and join other church members at Southside Church of Christ to feed Thanksgiving dinner to the homeless. Tons of church members both young and old showed up to serve wherever needed. It's my prayer that we not only fed tummies, but that we fed the hearts of those we came in contact with. I remember first going out to feed the homeless nearly two years ago...I had no idea what to say to the people we were serving. It was such an eyeopening experience that thankfully brought me out of my comfort zone and naive belief that prostitutes, gangs, druggies and drunks only existed in the movies or big cities. Now when I serve, my favorite place to be is at the table with the homeless, making conversation with them while they eat. These people don't just want a free meal - they can get that anywhere - they want to know that other human beings care enough to sit down and interact with them.

While the homeless were eating their meal and watching the Cowboys game, I was asked, "what difference are you making here?" My answer is that honestly, I don't know. But I do know that Jesus said that when I serve the least of these, I am serving Him. And I get no greater joy than looking into the eyes of the homeless people I come in contact with and knowing that by loving on them, I am serving my Jesus. It's not for me to know what difference I'm making. I only need to be obedient to my God and leave the consequences in His capable hands.

Watch Out World...I Bought Hobbies!

I'm not gonna lie...this current season in my life is not my favorite. It's actually quite painful and I'm struggling with being content. The joy of the Lord continues to be my strength and I'm trying to focus on all the many blessings I am so thankful for instead of the blessings that haven't been given to me just yet. That being said... I realized today that I need to find something to keep me busy so that I can STOP worrying and over-thinking. My over-thinking has gotten so bad that I've had a headache as a companion for the better part of this week. I'm so silly for worrying...surely if God can make the sun rise and set without fail everyday since the creation of the earth, He can manage to work out His plans in my life. Things I'm majoring struggling with right now: patience, waiting, trust, surrender.

So, in an effort to get my mind off my troubles...I bought hobbies! And where better to buy hobbies than at Hobby Lobby, duh! After treating myself to my favorite frozen yogurt, I drove over to Hobby Lobby not having a clue what I was going to get myself into...basket weaving, cake building, flower arranging...the possibilities were endless. Here's what I ended up with:

 

A Mosaic Kit, Wooden Jewelry to decorate, and Crocheting! I'm so excited. It was interesting that I was drawn to all the types of crafts my mom had me do when I was little. I used to love crafts and I haven't used my creative skills in many years. I'm interested to explore what made me give up something I enjoy so much as well as hopefully uncover hidden talents I didn't know I had! I can't help but wonder if God is going to reveal some skill that I'll be able to use on the mission field some day....

I also started learning to play the guitar today! My brother is letting me borrow my dad's guitar to learn on. I LOVE that guitar and have so many memories of singing with my dad while he played on it. So far I have mastered the G and C chords. Tomorrow's goal is D and E! :) And I am beginning Beth Moore's 90 Days with Jesus: The One and Only. I'm crazy excited to learn more about my Savior and love Him more. And of course, I will always love bubble baths, reading, singing and spending time with my precious family & friends. Hopefully I can keep myself occupied during this season in life, challenge & learn more about myself, and grow closer to God in the process. If you have more hobby ideas, pass them along!

"So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." ~1 Corinthians 10:31