Zambia Journal Entry 6-27-11, Sunday

Sunday:
Church today was amazing. We went to the Boma at Mulungushi for worship and just as last year, there was lots of singing led by the Zambian worship team and dancing as they would pull people up front and into the isles to dance and sing. Pastor Teddy presented the sermon from Matthew 6:33, our verse for Camp this week. His question and method was simple, but profound… “Who is your King?” Father, you have convicted my heart before I left America and while in Zambia that my King is way too often myself. I am my own idol. I live for myself, not you. I rule my Kingdom. Greer pointed out that there are only 2 Kingdoms: Yours, and Satans. However Satan will deceive me into thinking that there is a third Kingdom that is mine, but this is not true. When I am ruling myself, I am really letting Satan rule over me. I still remember the message that was presented last year in Zambia out of Exodus 3 about Moses learning to let God speak through him and this year the message was just as powerful and something I will remember and put into practice all year.
After church we loaded the buses and went to Arcades for lunch. Christina, Carly and I ate at the same lunch place I went to on Sunday last year, Mimosa’s, with Baranda and Amber. The grilled cheese with ham & tomato was just as delicious and I was able to go to Spar and exchange some more money while we waited for our food. Shopping at the market was fun as always as we bargained and bartered. I bartered travel Kleenex, travel toilet paper, chapstick, a highlighter, pen and my watch. I tried to barter and explain what Wet Ones were but nobody would trade for the Wet Ones. Carly and Christina took me back to the bus before I could barter anything else. We’ve had some fun laughs about that. We squeezed in another video blog and then it was time to load the buses and head to the Go Centre to meet our Zambian partners. While we waited for the bus I was able to walk Christina and Carly down to my villa from last year and take a picture.

At the Go Centre, we ran through all the Camp songs and dances and then met our partners. My Evangelist is Ireen who is 19 and my Apostle is Felix who is 24. As we talked and got to know each other, we commented on how we felt the Holy Spirit uniting us together. After praying together for God’s glory throughout the week we went back in the Go Centre for a few more songs. Singing Freedom Song was so powerful and I was so full of joy as we danced and sang together freely in our God.

Journal Entry 6-26-11 *SAM!*

I got to see Sam today!!! He wasn't at the Community Resource Center when we arrived because he had gotten hungry for lunch. The anxiety of waiting for him to come back to the CRC made my heart race and the thought of being so close to reuniting with him made me want to burst into tears. It was finally decided that we would just meet Sam at his house. The first stop we made was the first time I had been inside a compound house and not just outside. It was smaller than I ever could have imagined. Literally a one room 4x4 room for an entire family. So humbling. Sam's house was the next stop. I stood up from my seat to put on my chitenge and I saw him walking down the street toward the bus...I could see him! We were finally in the same place at the same time after a year of missing him so much my heart would ache. I grabbed his gift and hurried off the bus. When I rounded the corner of the bus he was there and ran into my arms giving me the biggest hug his little arms could give. I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I couldn't even speak. I laid my head on his as he buried his head in my chest and I choked back tears. I looked down at him hugging me and saw the biggest smile I've ever seen on his face. After a long hug I was finally able to ask how he was and tell him that I had missed him as he said he missed me too. The world came back into focus and I remembered that there were other people in the world besides the 2 of us. I asked him if I could see where he lived and he grabbed my hand just as he did for an entire week last year and he led me to his house. I first met his grandparents who were in town visiting. I then met his youngest brother, cute Judge, his 2 sisters that are older and another younger brother. His mom arrived after several minutes of sitting and talking about his family, school, friends and futbol. His mom was so sweet and greeted me with a hug. His mom and grandparents both thanked me for helping Sam and their family. I then gave Sam his gifts. The first thing he opened was his new shirt that says, "Somebody in Texas Loves Me." I read him the shirt and explained that Texas is where I love and so the shirt means that I love him. The next thing he opened was a picture frame of me and my family on one side and me and Sam on the other. I wish I could have captured the expression of JOY on his face as he opened it. He beamed, smiled from ear to ear and even gasped a little withe excitement. And finally, he opened his Bible and I read him the inscription: To Samuel, From Auntie Shannon. He said he was very happy. I was able to pray for God's blessing over him and his family before I left. Sam joined us on the bus for the rest of the day and I loved being reminded of his little personality. He of course wanted to help carry in all the groceries, help people with their seats on the bus and help wherever he could. God has given him the gift of a servant's heart and reminded me all day that He has great plans and a great purpose for Sam's life. After visiting Simon and 3 other kids houses with gifts of tomatoes, onions, cabbage, mealie meal, eggs, dried fish, 3 kinds of meat, juice, sugar, salt and oil, we went back to the CRC where I spent time with Simon, Emmanuel and Samuel. Poor Eman was so hungry he ate uncooked popcorn kernels off the floor. Ben shared some crackers with my boys as a snack. When we were about to leave, Sam started to run off and I called him back to say goodbye to me. He ran into my arms as I picked him up and hugged him. I told him I had missed him and would see him Monday at camp. He then voluntarily gave Carly and Christina hugs and ran off. They both said to me, "I get it." I thank God for another year to be in Sam's life and see him in person. He is a blessing and I pray God speaks a message to him this week. The blessing of Sam in my life is more than I deserve.

Zambia Journal Entry 6-25-11

"For our boast is this, the testimony of our conscience, that we behaved in the world with simplicity and godly sincerity not by earthly wisdom but by the grace of God, and supremely toward you." ~1 Corinthians 1:12

Father, thank you for bringing me to scripture on seeking you and not this earth. I pray that you would break me. Last year I was exposed to the poverty and needs in dark places of the world and within a year, my heart has hardened and become spoiled again. Soften my heart and convict me of what is true, what is needed and what is of eternal importance.

Ruin my life
The plans that I've made
Ruin desires for my own selfish gain
Destroy the idols that have taken Your place
Til it's You alone I live for

God, You are holy and so much bigger than I comprehend on a daily basis; let me glimpse You.

Zambia 2011 Slideshow

Fullness of Joy!

I have been TERRIBLE about blogging since I got back from Africa! I've got 2 entries from my journal while I was there that I'll work on posting soon, but for now I've just GOT to brag on all my amazing God is doing!

Reading over a few of my previous posts, I was in such a place of discouragement, frustration and was somewhat depressed before I left for Africa. I am happy to report that post Africa I feel nothing but joy and awe at how God is working! And not only in my life, but in the lives of literally everyone I talk to lately. God is working overtime and seems to be showing off and I'm loving every single second of it. The past few years have been a dark road where I could feel God holding my hand as we walked together, but I could not see at all where we were headed. This gets frustrating after a while, but God is so patient and faithful to those that keep their faith in Him, even when nothing seems to be going right and everything seems confusing. Obviously, part of faith is trusting our Lord even when we can't see what He's doing and trusting that He is actively working for good on our behalf and for His glory. But post Africa, God has begun to allow me to see His hand SO clearly at work. I'm not ready to share details of what I see God working on just yet, but it's very exciting and I'm continually thanking and praising my Father for His blessings and faithfulness even when I'm so undeserving. He is truly a GOOD Father and I'm delighting in how He works.

Now that I've updated on life post Africa, I promise to post on the actual trip to Africa SOON! :)

You make known to me the path of life;
in Your presence there is fullness of joy;
at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
~Psalm 16:11

Spiritual Warfare

In the weeks before leaving for Africa last year, I experienced unexplained nightmares, fears, worries and anxiety. During this time I learned to cling to the Lord in a whole new way by falling asleep reading Psalms where David states "In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety," (Psalm 4:8) and "I lay down and slept; I woke again, for the LORD sustained me" (Psalm 3:5). It wasn't until I got to Zambia that I recognized these nightmares for what they were: spiritual attack. During my one on one time with the boys, nearly each boy reported terrible nightmares, nightmares about Satan and darkness that made my dreams all of the sudden not seem so bad. However, through my experiences with dreams, I was able to encourage the boys with scripture to pray before they fell asleep and equip them with the most powerful tool God had equipped me with during my night terrors: prayer in Jesus name. Before I would go to sleep, I would pray for God to protect my dreams from the enemy in Jesus name. I pray often for God to protect me mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually, but it wasn't enough. I needed to pray for God to fight Satan in this spiritual battle while I slept. And the Lord is faithful to do so, He fights for me and is my Deliverer. My sleep became pleasant again (I had begun to dread going to sleep) and I saw the same result when my boys and I prayed for God to protect their dreams. Suddenly nightmares of the enemy chasing them in the form of a snake went away and they were allowed a dreamless nights sleep. Glory to God in the highest!!!

I had forgotten about the power of these attacks until this past week. The nightmares started again and this year, the anxious thoughts and worries while I'm trying to go to sleep are more intense than anything else. I dread closing my eyes in the silent darkness because the attacks begin. And they are draining. A friend pointed out to my mom that these are not American spiritual attacks, they are African spiritual attacks. I learned last year that spiritual warfare looks a lot different in Africa than it does in America and I've heard from other friends who have dealt with spiritual attacks specific to the countries they would be doing missions in. In Zambia, the attacks come in the form of nightmares about Satan and darkness and sometimes come in the form of demons that have to be called out. I had never dealt with spiritual attack in this capacity before going to Zambia last summer. Young children deal with depression (an attack that we are more familiar with in America, but probably more so as teens and adults). You can visibly see either darkness or light in the eyes of the children you encounter; many times a sign of the oppression, abuse or neglect they are suffering. It was a joy to witness so many of my boys, sweet Samuel included, come to camp that first day with complete hollowness and darkness in their eyes, but leave camp just 5 days later with hope and joy and light restored in their beautiful young eyes.

This year through the spiritual attacks, I'm realizing that my attacks (as difficult as they are) are only for a season. And when I wake up in the morning, I can't believe that I would stay up fretting over something that in the light of day seems so trivial and irrational. But for the kids in Zambia, and many around the globe, these attacks are a daily struggle and last much longer than a season. The fears of these children are actually their reality as they deal with poverty, rape, abuse, neglect, hunger and abandonment daily. The other thing God has revealed to me is that just because I don't feel the struggle of spiritual attack going on all the time, doesn't mean that He isn't actively fighting the battle for me all the time. The Bible is clear that “Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8). This realization came yesterday when despite not feeling very spiritually close to my Father as I desired, I continued to read my bible and sing praises to Him. As I sang and felt nothing about the words I was singing, I confessed to God how much I longed to feel Him near and to feel His love. And just as soon as I prayed that prayer, God answered it by placing His hand between me and the attacks so that instead of anxiety, worry and depression, all I experienced was resting in the Lord and enjoying being in love with Him. The sun had come out from behind the clouds, the waves that were rocking me stopped. I'm aware that at any moment God could lift His hand and allow me to experience more spiritual battle, but I thank Him for at least a little time of restoration so that I can stand strong once again against the enemies attacks. And I praise God for fighting these supernatural battles whether I'm tuned in to the spiritual warfare happening around me or not.

As I prepare for a second trip to Africa, I pray that God would use me as His vessel and use these trials to encourage the orphans I'll be with all week. I have no doubt that they are in this moment going through attacks similar to mine and I thank God that I already know how to specifically pray for them. And I can't wait to sit and listen to what they were going through during this time that I didn't know them, but I was praying...this experience last year was so cool and gave me goosebumps as I realized that the prayers the Holy Spirit had left on my heart for these kids I had never met were so exactly the prayers they needed at that exact time. How cool is that??? I pray that any children I meet with darkened, hardened, hollowed eyes will leave camp at the end of the week with bright, glowing, joyful eyes full of light and love as they learn that they are Royal Prince's and Princess' in God's Kingdom. And I pray that I and the group of kids I'll meet this year would resist the devil and stand strong against his attacks so that he will flee from us (James 4:7). Please join me in these prayers!

Out of My Element

"Christ has called us to thrive, not merely survive." ~Beth Moore

In turning 25 a few months ago, I was at first devastated... I had such high expectations for where I would find myself in life at this age, and while in my heart I had planned my path, the Lord determines my footsteps (Proverbs 16:9). It's devastating when you realize that your dreams and expectations are not your reality. I'm living a completely different life than I would have planned for myself which causes me to draw nearer to God and hold His hand as we walk through a period of darkness where I can't see what He's doing or how He's working, but I feel Him near and have faith that I'm not missing out, that He has intentionally brought me to this place and that He is actively protecting, preserving and preparing me for His plans and purposes for this life He created. My challenge so far at the age of 25: Don't just survive...Thrive! I wanted to share just a few of the adventures I've encountered the past few months (many that are SO out of my element!) and share with you new things that the next few months will bring that God has so graciously revealed to me recently.

February: To celebrate my 25th birthday, I spent a wonderful weekend in Austin with friends. We hiked, ate, enjoyed our favorite spots in Austin, ate some more, attended my favorite church in Austin, ate again and I finally saw the bats fly from congress bridge! Oh and did I mention that we ATE?? :)I've been attempting to see the bats fly for years, and I finally succeeded by taking a fun sunset cruise on Lady Bird Lake. Below is a pic of me with the bat bridge...I was pretty excited!

March: I've also taken up photography! For years I've wanted a nicer camera and for my birthday my loving family was able to make that dream come true. My newest hobby is losing complete track of time while walking around taking pictures with my Nikon D3100. I'm still learning Photoshop, but this has definitely been something new & challenging that I enjoy! Here's one of my fav pics I've been able to capture so far...

April: This is probably the MOST out of my element thing I've done! WARRIOR DASH! This is a 5K, but with 11 obstacles that you must complete along the way. Obstacles include wading through a cold river, climbing over junkyard cars, scaling walls, jumping over fire and crawling through mud to name a few. It was so much fun and I'm so glad I did it! This is a pic of me crossing the finish line in all my muddy glory!

May: I started working at Catholic Charities last June helping the newly homeless regain employment and housing through rapid rehousing. Through MUCH prayer, God has opened a new door and is allowing me to start a new position, still with Catholic Charities, working with the chronically homeless doing more intense case management. I am following God down this next path and excited to see what He has for me and why He's chosen to take me in this direction!

June: Probably the thing in my life that I am most THRILLED about is going back to Africa to be with the orphans. I left my heart there last summer and can't wait to be reunited with my passion, my heart and bringing God's glory to the impoverished, abandoned and neglected orphans of Zambia. The spiritual warfare as I prepare to go back has been INTENSE and seems to grow more and more intense by the day. Prayers are needed and appreciated! I've been writing letters to my sweet Samuel and have received some back from him letting me know that he can't wait to see me at camp and that he loves and misses me too. Oh how I cherish those letters. I never, ever anticipated falling so deeply in love with one of the most precious boys in the whole wide world. This is a picture he sent me of him at Christmas. He looks so much healthier, more filled out and HAPPY!!! Makes my heart do somersaults. :)

Even though life doesn't look exactly the way I thought it would, I am so blessed and I thank God for the work He's doing. I will continue to rest and delight myself in Him. He is teaching me so much of Himself and I pray that more than anything, this 25th year will bring me more passion for Him.